


Bad Wolf & Big Red Riding Hood

by LizRambler



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-16 19:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizRambler/pseuds/LizRambler
Summary: The Doctor has a plan to woo Miss Tyler on a Halloween planet. Holiday fluff.For Dayna's Birthday!!





	1. The Plan

“Why are you grinning like the Cheshire Cat, then?” Rose Tyler crossed one leg over the other and leaned against the entrance to the console room. Freshly showered, her damp blonde hair was curling as it dried. Light makeup today, except for her lovely dark gobs of mascara that made her hazel eyes pop... And dressed for casual running. Excellent! This was the Rose Tyler he liked, the adventurous one. All too often lately he had been seeing the slightly sadder version, first when she’d met Sarah, and more recently when Mickey had decided to stay in Pete’s World. His grin intensified in response to hers. 

The Doctor leaned against the console, obscuring the coordinates, even though he didn’t think he’d taught Rose enough to understand them yet and she’d never even heard of the planet anyhow...still, he sniffed, couldn’t hurt to heighten the sense of mystery. Besides, Rose liked it when he was mysterious. “Who me?” he added, mysteriously. 

“Yeah you,” she responded pushing off the door frame, “You said, we weren’t risking our necks today,” she continued, circling him and the console. Her eyes dipped to the coordinates, “and I know enough to know that’s not my mum’s living room.”

His face was going to split into pieces from the smiling.

Rose ran a finger along the console. “Not Cardiff either.”

“Nope,” he replied, popping the ‘p’ as this regeneration liked to do. 

“I even know enough to know it isn’t Earth at all.” Oh, she was clever, he smirked, letting her get close enough to move his hand. “It must be fun, or dangerous, or both with that grin. New planet?”

“New planet,” he agreed.

“Not to you though,” she decided flipping around so she could lean back against the console, right palm close to the dematerialization buttons. “You have a different smile for that.”

The Doctor made a face.

“And that’s your ‘Rose scored a point’ face!” Rose teased. “You are so easy,” she drawled. 

He crossed his arms and stepped away from the console. Rose glanced back at the coordinates. “Fun, new to me planet and all I have to do is hit the right buttons.” She reached out her fingers and wiggled them deliberately over the wrong group of buttons, the minx. He grumbled and she moved her hand over the blue stabilizer switches. 

“Do you want to go to the new-to-you planet or do you want to eject all the chicken soup from the food machines into the pool?” the Doctor asked as he brushed past her and hit the right sequence. The Tardis bucked, tossing Rose into him. He caught her around the waist, so she didn’t tumble. 

“You did that on purpose!” Rose laughed. 

“Maybe,” he admitted. “But you were being a tease and after I had such a nice trip planned for us. Just for that, we should go to Clom. Or off to Ventlubrious, nice place Ventlubrious, big parks, small hamlets, fourteen hundred pages of paperwork just to pet the ponies. How’s your cursive?”

“Awful.” Rose grabbed the edge of the console as the Tardis landed. She had her Tardis legs now and didn’t crash into it, or him. Shame. “Better go where you had planned then,” she said with a wink. Her playful mood was perfect for his plans… loose plans loosely laid plans of loosely planning planners. Not that he could ever have a perfect itinerary planned with Miss Jeopardy Friendly two years running as his partner in crime.

“What’s out there?” Rose asked, practically skipping to the doors.

“Uh uh uh,” he caught her hot little human hand and pulled her back. “Not so fast. We’re going to need costumes.”

Rose’s eyes lit up. “Oh yeah? We?”

“Race you to the wardrobe,” he shouted, taking off at a run. Rose’s annoyed shout following him as he made several sharp turns. Rose was on his heels, keeping up. He slowed down at the door and pointed to the lefthand staircase. “Go on. Pick something out.” 

“For both of us?” 

Rose was loving this morning! The Doctor had climbed the staircase on the left-hand side up to a large platform bursting with disguises and costumes. She followed, giddy to see not just the usual period clothing but honest-to-goodness fancy dress party digs. When he leaned against the rail in a waiting pose, Rose dived right in. She tossed fairy wings at him and weird bug shoes. He dodged them, sticking his tongue out to let her know what he thought of those choices. She waved him into the mess. The Doctor hung back with his self-indulgent smirk, shaking his head.

She had just spied the perfect couple’s costumes, well, not couples, exactly, paired surely. Not that he minded, people were always assuming they were a couple. He had stopped arguing a few weeks back and Rose had followed his lead. Maybe her choice would help her find him when he inevitably wandered off. She went behind a changing screen to pull on her outfit. He was on the other side in an instant, “Alzerian? Bunny? Zarbi? Cowgirl? Ice Warrior? Well? What did you pick?”

“What’s an Ice Warrior?” Rose asked, slipping off her jeans, pink camisole, and gray hoodie to replace it with the black and gray fuzzy bodysuit. It had a hood with wolf ears on top and when she turned she saw the tail moved on its own. The fabric was silky soft, insulated, and body-hugging. The fur was even thicker in all the Important Places.

“Militaristic race of warriors who loosely follow a code much like the Samauri, only they’re Martians…”

“Martians are real?”

“Yes, well, they were..extinct now, probably... Nevermind. Any zips need zipping? Buttons?” 

“You wish. Got your costume all picked out.” She popped out from behind the curtain in her wolf costume. “Roar!”

“Don’t you mean, Aroooo!” He circled her, howling and tugging on her tail. “Nice. Automatic psychic tail.”

“What’s that when it’s at home?” She asked. 

“Mood tail. Taps into your relative temperature to guess your temperament.” At Rose’s arched brow he added, “It’s going to-wag-when you’re happy. Ears too! Brilliant! I speak wolf. Might finally understand what you’re going on about…” 

She slapped him away from her ears. “I just thought I’d see how the other half lives after Scotland.”

“Am I a wolf too?” he asked eagerly. 

After she settled the hood into place, she tossed him a crimson cape. He caught it, a little puzzled frown appearing. “Am I a Handmaid?”

“What? No, you’re Little Red Riding Hood. Figured you could keep your suit on and I could find you in a crowd.” Rose grinned. He felt the rich red velvet of the cape and the hood, considering. “You don’t have to wear it…”

The Doctor flipped it out and around his shoulders, where it settled with a flourish. He buttoned it on. “Hardly ‘little’ Rose. Big Red.”

“Big Red is a soft drink.”

The Doctor wasn’t listening. He was admiring himself in the full-length mirror. She rolled her eyes. “All I need is a picnic basket...” She rolled her eyes at him, tail swishing with indulgence.

The picnic basket was the perfect addition to the day. The Doctor found one down in the regular wardrobe. He was sure he and Romana had used it last. Thought confirmed when he reached in and found a bag of slightly linty jelly babies. He sent Rose to the console room so he could add some things to his pockets and to the basket, useful things like torches, sandwiches, fizzy drinks and crisps plus a bunch of bananas and The Useful Book he was using as a template for today. He tried to jam it underneath the blanket. Wouldn’t do for Rose to see it and laugh at him.

He popped into the console room, cape swishing satisfactorily around his narrow shoulders. Nothing against, June, he just wasn’t feeling that sort of feminist icon today. Little Red Riding Hood’s cape was even better than his jacket at being flowy and in such a manly crimson too! He spotted his Big Bad Wolf. He hoped that was conscious and not a subconscious choice on her part. He’d had enough of *that* Bad Wolf thank-you-very-much. 

Rose was nibbling on a fingernail, relaxing on the jumpseat, tail swishing in either impatience or excitement. Her tail was magnificent! And FLUFFY. And he was never ever going to mention how much he liked it. Bad enough she was wearing a fuzzy bodysuit that his fingers itched to touch. She knew he was tactile! 

Nope, he was going to stick to the plan. Step one: Take Rose on a lovely planetary outing. Step two: enact steps in the Useful Book. He tucked it down farther into the basket. He’d even underlined some bits and made notes. 

“So, Solar flares erupt, the Earth gets roasted,” he began.

“Heard this bit before.” Rose quipped, affecting a bored tone, as she slid off the seat and stood.

“Several ships take off from Earth, arcs to find new homes. Great Britain, France, Russia… All the bigs and greats. Zimbabwe, Wakanda… America had several arcs, the Californians, The midwest, Oregon... One of them contained humans from the thirteen original colonies, except for New Jersey. They ah, they went with Florida and I think that’s best, don’t you?” he asked but Rose was edging closer to the door, ears up and alert. He sensed the anticipation was beating out his impressive storytelling ability. “Right, so everyone scatters, hunting out new habitable worlds to invade...erm, settle. The 13 erm, 12 end up hitting pay dirt.” He edges past her to grab both doors. “A planet with red chlorophyll.”

“Isn’t that what’s in plants?” 

“Mm-hmm, on Earth it makes all the plants and grass that lovely shade of green. Here it makes everything,” the Doctor held still for drama before pushing the doors open, “Autumn!”

Rose gasped. The sky arcing overhead was Earth-normal: a bright robin’s egg blue with puffy white clouds. But below that sky… 

“Orange leaves!” Rose stepped out. 

A riot of colorful fall leaves decorated a long dirt path. Orange, scarlet, yellow, brown, the trees were lush. Crimson and white flowers on black vines floating between them like bunting let off a rich gardenia-esque scent. It was Spring, a Fall-Spring, the perfect tourist season. The Tardis had really stuck the landing. 

Mums dotted the bases of most trees with bright yellowy-green leaves and vibrant red flowers. Raw wood signs pointed in various directions like old street signs. The words burnt into them. He approached one that led to Haunted Glen. A rain spider sat on it spinning a web of neon green web. Behind him, Rose had plucked a red leaf and tucked it behind her actual ear, not her wolfy ears which were up and forward in acute interest. Better impress her with knowledge while he had her attention. 

“Various levels of red chlorophyll make the plants range from the richest, deepest crimson to the lightest, palest yellow. Forever Autumn! The 13, erm 12 colonies moved right in. And since the East Coast of America loves a good Fall Theme, they named the planet…”

“Autumnalia,” Rose repeated with a laugh, “S’amazing!”

“Portmandeu of Autumn and Australia not sure why, not an Aussie in the lot. They decided to move to a planet with more spiders, go figure?” He stepped out and reached for her hand. Rose eagerly grabbed it as they walked under the canopy of colorful trees. The grass underneath was a sallow yellow although some of it in the distance had the dark red he associated with Home. A thrill ran through him. He’d forgotten how amazing red grass was, even if the sky was nowhere near orange enough.

Rose took a deep breath. “Even smells like fall.”

He sniffed. “Yes, woodsmoke, cinnamon, decaying leaves, recent rainfall and ah, yes! Apples! Rose, let’s go get some apples. I love apples!” Apples were in the Useful Book.

“They have apple trees?” Rose looked around. “Wouldn’t they be green?”

“Yes, well, they would have been, when they were planted or grafted, yeah, green originally. Very adaptable, apples. Earth in your time has 7500 different apples.”

“I’ve only ever had five or so…” Rose remarked.

“They planted about 100 species here. All of which slowly turned from green to vibrant yellow leaves as they got to know their new neighbors. Cross-species pollination. You get some of the best apples that way. I suppose they will eventually turn pred, Who knows? Evolution is slow and strange and opportunistic.” He approached a second signpost and popped his glasses on to read it. The times for the pickup were listed as well as the type of carts. A single large cart was due at any moment now. The Tardis had been unusually cooperative, romantic old thing. “Ah, the hayride pick-up is this way.”

“Hayride?”

“Well, it’s more of a solar-powered mode of transport with hay for comfort and theme. This planet learned their lesson from Earth, very green, erm, orange. C’mon, I want to pick apples.” 

Rose swung their joined hands between them. Good sign that she was enjoying her self. He really hoped so. He was taking a chance here. Timelords weren’t prone to nerves. They were prone to bruised egos though...

Last week (approximately) he had visited Sarah Jane on a whim, well, when Rose was with Jackie. He hadn’t wanted to brave the lioness’ den, so he’d announced he was off to do Important Timelord Things and scarpered. Things had been relaxed and decidedly Jackie-less. Sarah Jane was delighted to see him and had cakes on offer. They had spent a pleasant afternoon discussing swapping stories about Rose, old friends, making jokes about Harry and the Brigadier. They’d even foiled a small invasion in the grocery store when she’d unexpectantly run out of tea. Once the Urushoonta were on there way home, and tea was brewed, Sarah had offered him the Useful Book. With a wink, Sarah Jane told him it should give him the right idea. He’d been halfway through the book before he realized what she’d meant. The Doctor blushed red enough to make Sarah burst into gales of laughter. He offered the book back. Sarah shook her head.

“It’s for you,” Sarah Jane had said, “You haven’t really ever properly dated a human girl before, have you?”

“Rose and I aren’t…” he protested weakly.

“Oh, yes you are,” she countered. “I’m never wrong, Doctor, so you might as well benefit from my wisdom.” Her twinkly gray eyes had been full of typical Sarah Jane brilliance. He’d stuffed the book into an inner pocket while gibbering on about superior intelligence and Gallifreyan courting methods and other idiocies. Sarah had smirked. He fled.

“What are you thinking about? You’re so far away,” Rose asked squeezing his fingers.

“I’m thinking about pumpkin pie.” He lied, reviewing the book again in his mind. It had been a Romance Novel, a *very* racy one. He’d been surprised by how invested he became in the couple pairing off when he realized that the blonde lead reminded him very much of a certain Bad Wolf who was very much going to figure out he wasn’t actually thinking about pie in a minute. “Well, and apple pie.”

“Skipped breakfast again?” Rose teased as a hay cart trundled into view. It was pulled by a handsome, very tall horse and Rose was in love for the first time today. Hopefully not for the last time today. He smiled softly as she cooed at the horse, trying to get the big fella to let her pet him. “Is he a hologram?”

“Yep, well spotted,” he agreed as the cart gate squeaked open. 

“Thought he flickered a bit,” Rose remarked, with a moue of sadness.

“There are ponies you can pet in town,” he reassured her and he was rewarded with a sunny smile. 

There were two couples and a few singles already seated. The Doctor climbed up first, so he could give Rose a hand up, not that she needed it. She took it anyway, and he sat them in the back so he could drape his arm along the rail and around Rose. The couple across from them nodded in greeting. A single, handsome guy gave Rose a megawatt smile. Oh, of course, there was a Pretty Boy. He curled his arm around Rose. He was distracted by the soft fur of her costume. Was it real fur?

“First time here?” Pretty Boy asked Rose, oh, didn't he just have to have a dimple?

“Yeah, s’my first time. You?” Rose leaned back away from the Pretty Boy and against the Doctor.

“Um, I’d do the haunted house row, the apple bobbing, and the pumpkin carving, although they’re not really pumpkins.” Pretty Boy said in a haughty know-it-all tone.

“No?” Rose asked, sounding disappointed. 

No, nope, no disappointment, he leaned in to interrupt, “Well, no, pumpkins died off here because the local insects loved their roots. They use a squash substitute. It’s almost, nearly the same. Well, no, it’s better because the orange is so much more orange and the insides are blood red.”

‘Red?’ Rose mouthed at him with wide eyes. He winked. She turned back around to her new friend. The Doctor showed the Pretty Boy his teeth. This was covered in the Useful Book but at the moment he couldn’t remember if he was supposed to punch the Pretty Boy or just divert attention back to himself or...

“Ah, Yeah,” he continued, ignoring the Doctor’s grin, “well between the bugs and the rain. Gotta watch out for that. There’s a ghost tour tonight. Me and this group of Kish are going. You should join us. You and ah, your brother?” he asked hopefully. 

The Doctor growled. Rose’s bark of laughter stopped him. “That’s a new one on me, no one’s ever assumed we were related before!” Rose broke down into giggles, slapping at him playfully. “Maybe if you were blond,” she teased. He pinched her. Rose laughed harder.

“Maybe if you were a brunette,” he countered, giving her a speculative once over.

“No, absolutely not,” Rose protested making a face. 

The hayride lurched forward. Rose slipped an arm around his waist to keep herself from bouncing around. The Pretty Boy frowned and the Doctor offered him another feral smile. He wished he’d retained his icy blue stare. It was a lot easier to give off, ‘hands off the blonde’ vibes in his old body. The Pretty Boy huffed, leaning back a bit. He didn’t give up though, offering again, “Seriously, the ghost tours are the best. The town is haunted, like majorly. And I once saw specters ax fighting in the square. It was amazing!”

The Doctor snorted, “Probably a psychic recording trapped in the living rock or more holograms. There’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Yeah, says the man who met a werewolf,” Rose teased.

“Yes, well, that wasn’t strictly speaking, a werewolf. It was a lupine wavelength haemovarioform,” he reminded her.

“Yeah, so basically a werewolf.”

“Yes, alright, fine. No ghosts though. It’s never ghosts.”

“What about the Gelf?” she asked.

“Gas, not spirits,” he countered. 

She nodded. “Right. Gas does not a proper ghost make… Still, might be worth a look. We could debunk it.”

He snorted, amused. “She goes looking for trouble, my Rose.”

Rose rolled her eyes even as she smirked at him. The Pretty Boy continued slightly put out by their closeness which in turn pleased the Doctor, “Well it’s by the old brass cannon at ten, if you want to join us.”

Rose felt the Doctor bristle against her. This Pretty Boy could not take a hint. Rose leaned farther into the Doctor as another demonstration of her noninterest. The Doctor was taking hints today at least, she noted as he relaxed. She shivered and the Doctor gallantly flipped the edge of his cape over her like a blanket. He was glaring at the pretty boy across from them. She sighed. Some things never changed. He always wanted to chase off the boys. If he only he realized he was her Pretty Boy of Choice. 

She focused on the hayride. The cart moved along smoothly, unlike a real cart that would have bounced their kidneys around a bit. The smell of fresh straw was pleasant, almost like green tea. Speaking of pleasant scents, the Doctor smelled like he’s splashed a light cologne over his normal spicy smelling self. Rose took another deep breath and fought the urge to tell him he smelled delicious. Rose loved the stronger smells of woodsmoke and apples. They must be close to town by now.

The Doctor leaned down to whisper into her ear, “I’m very good at bobbing for apples.” She shivered as his warm breath hit her skin. Rose shook herself, this was just an outing, not a Date. Just because he’d allowed her to dress him up a bit, and he’d snuggled her up close to him, did not mean it was a Date. The Doctor was tactile and touchy-feely, always. Rose loved it. She’d never realized how starved she was for touch before he came and blew up her job. Bored, touch starved, shop girl goes to space… Speaking of touch… His lefthand was lazily petting her fur covered arm. It was driving her just a little bit mental. Tingles radiated from the spot and up and down her spine. She rolled her eyes in reference to him being good at apple bobbing. He always said he was good at everything. Annoyingly, he wasn’t lying. He really was good at most things. Came with experience, she supposed. He was 900 years old. Had to learn a thing or two in all that time. Except for what personal space meant or why people didn’t put their fingers into other people's jam jars. “I am,” he insisted, “I’ll win you a prize.”

“Bet I win you a prize,” she shot back.

“Oh, just you wait, Rose Tyler,” he insisted, pitching his voice low, “who gets who the prize.” He paused completely oblivious to the effect his voice was having on her. “It’s me. I’m going to be winning you a prize with my magnificent apple bobbing skills.”

“Bobbing skills? Really?” Giggling, Rose looked back to see the pretty boy had given up on her and was now setting his sites on a thing tall woman with blue hair. Poor woman.

The Doctor stood up and Rose nearly fell she was leaning on him so heavily. His hands steadied her as the cart came to a gentle stop. He scooped up the picnic basket and Rose saw there was a book in there among the bananas. She reached for it only to have the Doctor move the basket away. The cover had looked familiar. Where had she seen it before? Rose reached for the basket and the Doctor moved forward switching the basket to his right hand so he could reach back for Rose’s hand with his left. 

“There’s nothing here,” Rose whispered as she slid her fingers into his.

“There is. It’s just over the hill,” leaning down to talk in her ear again, “They like us to walk in to get the full effect. C’mon.” He led her to the off of the cart and down to the dirt trail. A cobblestone path started a few feet away. The little group they were with, kept together as they reached the path, talking in hushed friendly tones. The Doctor was watching her, waiting for her reaction. Rose felt her heart speed up. “Oh, I love seeing new places!”

The Doctor’s brown eyes warmed right up and he smiled, the little boy smile Rose liked to think he saved for her. Her insides turned to hot gooey chocolate. Rose felt her own goofy grin take over her face. She bounced a bit, impatiently as they climbed a hill, leaves squelching underfoot as the town came into view. Rose gasped, the houses were Gothic, large Victorian houses painted in black with trims done in vibrant oranges, reds, greens, and purples. It looked like a strange movie set village. The cobblestone path stretched off in four different directions. The cobblestones glittered. Stalls with black and orange bunting had people in fancy dress hawking wares. 

The scents and sounds were raucous. There were pies steaming on ledges. People were walking around eating food on sticks like pickles and turkey legs and… “Is that cake on a stick?”

“Cheesecake,” the Doctor agreed, eyes like saucers and practically drooling over the pies. “They have loads of food on sticks. Americans love food on sticks. I love food on sticks. Food on a stick is just so convenient. I could be saving the universe with my trusty sonic in one hand and in between, nibbling on a banana dipped in chocolate and stuck on a stick for ease of eating.” He waved the picnic basket enthusiastically.

Rose tugged him toward a stall where glass pumpkins sat on purple velvet. Pumpkin pendants depended on the wood frame. The vendor was a plump woman with a witch’s hat and violet eyes. She winked and made a glittery orange pumpkin pendant appear from behind the Doctor’s ear. Rose laughed as he handed the woman a credit stick and presented her with the pendant. Rose looped it over her head. “It’s not on a stick,” she whispered.

“It’s not that sort of pumpkin,” he replied, then added, “edible, I mean. No point in being on a stick if it isn’t edible. Hungry?” 

“Yes, it smells amazing! Do you think they have chips on one of your sticks, then?” 

He puffed out a breath. “Take the girl to an amazing Halloween planet with cake on sticks and she wants greasy hot potatoes. The things I do for you, Rose Tyler!” he exclaimed, aggrieved as he took her elbow and led her down the main street past vendors selling feathered masks, small skulls with plants growing out of them, big scary spellbooks, and pet tarantulas. Rose stopped him to look at the spiders in their tanks. “Imagine owning one of these fellas. Bet Mum would go spare if I got her one.”

“Needs little care and a small space,” the Doctor said Rose tried to pet one. “Fuzzy but not cuddly. Yeah, perfect for Jackie.” She glowered. He snorted. 

Strange spooky music drifted out of a window. Rose left the spiders to find the source of the mournful tune. The Doctor let her lead him to a large archway decorated in realistic skulls. Rose ducked her head in to see a pub that looked like it was straight out of Harry Potter. Large metal tankards sat on the wooden bar. People in costumes were eating meals, not on sticks. A large moose-like creature’s head was mounted on the wall. Someone had installed lightbulbs so its eyes glowed. In the corner, a band dressed in black robes played mostly minor notes on a harp and two guitars.

“No, no, the food is on plates here, plates!” the Doctor protested. “We’d have to sit down and I wanted to take you to the games. We have apples to pick. Apples to bob for. Squash to carve...”

Rose frowned. The music was really lovely in a sad ‘my husband fell in a well’ sort of way. She wanted to listen. His earnest expression was hard to resist though. But she could be persuasive too. She tilted her head and fluttered her eyelashes. 

He slapped a hand over his eyes. “No, no batting those lovely eyes of yours. I am determined to win you a prize.” He peeked and she winked. A strangled sound escaped him. “We will come back later for drinks. There are rooms above so it is open late. Promise.”

“Yeah alright,” Rose agreed. “Only because I am going to win you a prize. An’ someone keeps going on about food on sticks.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fun continues with apple picking and rain.

Rose watched the people on their way to the apple orchards. The vendors narrowed out into what looked like a farmers’ market and then a small farm. Apple trees stretched on forever. “Are we staying on the outer edges of the city?”

“Well spotted,” the Doctor announced, startling a black cat ambling along the top of an orange wooden fence. It meowed in protest. “The tourist bits are all along the outsides of the towns. The boring jobs and residents’ houses are closer to the center. Most jobs are tourism based in the Haunted Glen. There are other cities that specialize in holographic tech which they export. And all the normal jobs you need to keep a planet running like sanitation, cat wrangler, pie tasters, dance inventors, dentists…” 

“Dentists? No, hang on, cat wranglers,” Rose repeated as the black cat disappeared under a hedge as another one popped out from under a bucket. “Are all the cats black?”

The Doctor never liked seeing black cats in abundance. Not their fault, he supposed. Kitlings were rare but deadly. He wasn’t having Rose carried off to another planet. Of course, she’d want to pet them. Rose loved cats. “Yes. Not on purpose… Happened naturally,” the Doctor kept her moving past them, giving the new cat a gimlet stare. “Don’t pet the ones with yellow eyes, alright, just in case. Here we are! Food on sticks!”

A tent city appeared beside the apple trees. Last time he was here there had been delicious chicken kebabs next to the stand where you could dip frozen bananas on sticks into molten chocolate. Nearly lost his tongue that go. This time large bubbling vats of stew were arranged in a centerline with ribbons on them. “Ooo, what’s this? Cook-off?”

“Looks like someone’s won the blue ribbon, or… black ribbon. Smells less like stew and more like chili,” Rose remarked drawing them both nearer. “Do we want to eat first or pick apples first?”

The Useful Book suggested charming Rose with treats. This was in line with his own peoples’ customs so… “Food on sticks. Can’t have your stomach growling. You’ll scare off the deer.”

“Deer? Are there deer in the apple fields?” Rose’s wolfie ears perked up, her tail swishing a bit. He snorted. Little too lupine again, Miss Tyler.

“Why? In the mood for a hunt?” he asked, arching a brow.

“Stop, I’m only a pretend wolf. Not about to eat Bambi. ‘Sides, supposed to enjoy a steady diet of older relations in small thatched-roof cottages or people in red hoods.” She flicked his cape and showed him her teeth. 

“Yes, food,” he squeaked. “Definitely need to protect the deer and... others. C’mon, I have a favorite stall.” He purchased her two of the chicken kebabs, himself a cheesecake, and kebab of chips stacked on top of one another. He offered her some of his cheesecake and Rose easily accepted. He smiled. She didn’t share her chips. He frowned, quickly covering it before Rose saw.

Food part done, he progressed to apple picking, leading Rose to a place where she could grab an apple catching pole. He grabbed one too and a few burlap sacks. A crowd was walking into the trees. The varieties were marked on poles in bright green paint that was probably strontium aluminate glow powder and acrylic, very festive, spooky even. Rose was ahead of him, tail wagging. He wanted to talk her into keeping it when it flicked in annoyance.

“Hi Rose!” Pretty Boy’s voice called.

The Doctor rolled his eyes so hard he sprained the left one. He stepped up beside Rose and there was Pretty Boy with his own pole and a half-full bag of apples. He was tossing off pheromones like a lusty wave. It wasn’t unusual, they were close to the 51st Century and humans had begun experimenting with their genetics in fun and interesting ways. Beside him were two kish, ladies by the pale pink coloring and magenta spots on their smooth skin. Their eyes were slightly glazed. The left one winked at him, tittering. The Doctor sighed as he remembered that the Useful Book did indeed caution against smacking the Rival. “I think the Arkansas Black apples are in the other direction.”

Rose’s ear flicked in acknowledgment. “Hello again.”

“Want to join us? We’ve got the golden delicious and are off to get the red,” Pretty Boy offered.

The Doctor scoffed. 100 varieties and he chooses the most popular apple 2010?

Pretty Boy's eyes were sliding to where the Doctor stood. Honestly, why couldn’t this person take a hint? The Doctor arched a brow in his direction. He smirked. This… interloper was impertinent and had terrible taste in apples. He really needed to go away. The Doctor took a step forward, Rose took a step back, grabbing his hand. 

“No thanks, we’re going after the Arkansas Black.” She turned away giving the group a dismissive wave with her pole. The Doctor allowed Rose to drag him along muttering, “we’re trying to be alone.” or “we’re looking for a gramophone.” He hoped it was the first one.

After a minute of muttering, Rose stopped short. “Black apples!” she announced in delight. “I thought they’d be a bit darker red, not wow. Wow, those are black apples.”

“Well, they range from a rich dark crimson to darkest purple. They make a great pie. Combine them with a Porter and you have an amazing pie! Can you imagine picking a sawdust flavored apple like a red delicious when you could be licking the juices of a lovely baking apple like Black Arkansas from your fingers,” he announced, grabbing the nearest one and biting into it, the sweet, crisp flavor the perfect after food on a stick palate cleanser. “Here.” He offered her the apple. Rose took it and bit into the skin. A little thrill ran through him. She didn’t even turn it over to the unbitten side. Pretty Boy’s interruption faded away leaving a pleasantly chewing Rose.

“Let’s get a lot of these,” she decided and continued to eat his apple as she maneuvered the pole for the darker, larger fruit higher up in the yellow leafed apple tree. “Seriously, if apples tasted this good back home, I’d have been a deer or a horse.”

“One bag of these, and I’ll take you to get some Jonagold hybrids. Tarter flavor.” The Doctor used his pole to catch three in one go. Rose saw and became competitive. She caught three in the cage of the pole, managing to balance a fourth on top. He tried for five and took a knock in the head for his trouble. Giggles rewarded him for his indignity. 

One bag filled, they moved farther into the trees. Rose always ahead of him, tail and ears alert. It was frankly adorable. A few people were picking near them but for the most part, they spent an hour alone in the trees. He did lead them away each time he saw more than two, so maybe it was more engineered alone time. Rose didn’t mind and he counted no less than ten of his favorite smile, the one with the little bit of tongue showing. 

The second bag they were more judicious, deciding to take two from each variety they could find. Haunted Glen apples were a mix of a Cortland and something floral tasting. Three other varieties boasted sour skins and sweet insides and right smack dab in the center were, “Good old fashioned Granny Smiths!” he chortled.

Deer lifted heavily antlered heads. Each had an apple in their mouths. Charmed he whispered Rose’s name. She spun, an apple in her mouth and he lost it. He leaned heavily against the pole, tears streaming down his face. Startled, the deer turned tail and run. Rose spit out her apple. “Oh, look what you’ve done!”

“Look at what I’ve-” he couldn’t get words out. It was too silly of a scene, the deer being majestic, and Rose red-lipped, golden eyes and animatronic ears with an apple in her mouth… Perfect contrast. She dropped her sack of apples at his feet. “Sorry, I just, that was, the perfect moment.” Looping an arm around her, he pulled her against himself in a side hug. Indulgently she hugged back. After a moment, he composed himself with a thought, “You just reminded me, we have games to play and prizes to win. Quick, go get a few of those apples. They have to be the best ones.”

“Why?”

“They were the only ones with a ring of deer around them. Hurry, up. I hope the line isn’t too long.” 

Rose watched the Doctor dropped the burlap sacks of apples into his right pocket. In seconds, his jacket was as smooth as ever underneath his red cape. She was amazed he hadn’t wandered off yet. He seemed intent on sticking by her side almost as much as that other guy was intent on hitting on her. And phew, he stank like Axe or something gamey. Glad they had shaken him in the trees, Rose was rubbing her hands together. “I am so going to defeat you at every game.”

“That’s a pretty impertinent statement. You know how absolutely magnificent I am at feats of daring,” he boasted. 

“I’m better,” Rose taunted, “I’m going to win you a stuffed bat.”

“I will cherish him forever,” the Doctor replied, “when I win him for you. He’ll go perfect with your pink duvet. You can cuddle him and think of me.”

“Think of your face, when you lost,” she shot back. “And you’ll have to let him sit on top of your head for a day. We can gel him into it.”

“Oh, no, now I have to win,” he grinned with a little glint in his dark eyes.

“What’s with you today?” Rose asked, slowing him down.

“Hmm?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“You’re so all-in on this day off business.”

“Is it annoying-or something?” He turned to regard her but dipped his eyes away. 

“Or something,” she murmured. He was being almost too adorable, too flirty today. If he was any other bloke, she’d think he was flirting With Intent today. The idea gave her a momentary thrill. Rose grabbed his face and turned him to catch his eye. She needed to get to the bottom of it. “You seem awfully determined for me to have a good day and to beat me at apple bobbing.”

“Is it wrong to want to get my-to win you a stuffed animal?” he asked, stumbling, brows arching.

“I’m having a great day.” 

“Yeah?” He grinned.

“Oh yeah,” Rose agreed. “Shame I’m going to ruin it by winning all the prizes and making you carry them. In your arms, mind, not in your magical pockets.” She wagged a finger at his multiple magical pockets.

An air raid siren went off, startling Rose half into the Doctor’s arms. He caught her easily. All the lights in town came up. People started rushing away from the vendor stands. Large pot lids were put over the chili pots and Vents closed on the tents. People ducked out of them and headed back toward town. “What’s happening?”

“Rain.” The Doctor moved at a clip. “We have to get indoors.”

“S’just rain,” Rose said, “that’s no reason to go inside, ever.”

“It’s not icy cold good ole’ fashioned British rain, Rose,” he countered, reaching back to tug her along. “It’s different. Trust me. You don’t want to be out in it.”

“Why?” she asked as they joined the river of people. She gripped his cape just in case she lost his hand. No chance of it, he had their fingers firmly interlaced. She had to skip a bit to keep up. “Back to the Tardis then?”

“No,” he sighed, glancing up. “Not enough time before the rain. We’ll have to get a room. Lucky that place with the incredibly sad music you liked, has rooms above it. Just have to get there before this lot takes all the vacancies.” A cloud of broody doom fell over him. Rose sighed. She hated for his fun day to be spoiled by something as mundane as rain.

“A room? Surely, it will be over in an hour or two. The sky isn’t even that gray. Can’t we just wait it out in the pub?” 

“Nope.” 

People broke off from the main herd. Some disappearing down side streets into the center of town. Most likely they were the people who lived here. Others went down main streets to already booked hotels and one woman transmatted out right in front of them. The Doctor sidestepped her wake and Rose felt a brush of icy wind. The sirens sounded again. Rose felt her wolf ears flatten and wished her human ears could do the same. Her tail dropped between her legs and she felt like her nan’s old dog afraid of thunder.

“Into the inn,” the Doctor announced. Rose found herself in front of him and being gently pushed past the arch of skulls and into the comforting firelight of the pub. The band was playing their mournful music. The weather made it darker, eerier. The Doctor dropped her at a table. He walked off presumably to secure a room. He was the picture of sullen, approaching the innkeeper. Rose knew whatever his plans were they’d been ruined by the rain. She promised to make it up to him, somehow.

Rose flagged down a waitress in cat ears, signaling for two of whatever drink was on offer.

The Doctor dropped down beside her. “Got us a room. Only one left, I’m afraid. We’ll have to share. This lot all booked on their tablets.” He shook his head as the tankards were slapped down onto the table in front of him. “Can I get a cider?” he asked after sniffing the drink of the day. He pushed it toward her, earlier mood completely evaporated into a full Timelord sulk. 

Rose sniffed her tankard. It smelled like chai tea. She sipped it. “Oooh, this is lovely. Why didn’t you want yours?”

He muttered under his breath something that sounded vaguely musical. “Got to keep my wits about me,” he murmured, waving his hand vaguely. “Hmm? Oh, allergic.” He added a fake smile as an afterthought. Ah, so now he was lying to her. Great. 

“So,” she promoted.

“So?” 

“What’s with the rain? Is it acid? Or staining? Or I don’t know, dangerous? Everyone is acting like it is,” Rose saw that there was a wide berth around them. She turned to see the large glass pane window behind them. “Does it eat people or somethin’?” She bumped his shoulder.

“No, well, no,” the Doctor replied as the cider arrived. He took a deep draught, smacking his lips after in obvious enjoyment. “Take a look. It should be starting at any moment. The wind’s kicked up and the streets are deserted now.”

Rose watched as the leaves whipped by. The trees were rustling and the sky had turned to steel. Streaks of black dropped to the ground landing in inky black puddles. “It looks like rain.”

The Doctor moved closer, bumping her shoulder now and his voice lowered, “Look closer.”

Rose did, intensely staring through the thick wavy glass as more and more black puddles formed as the ‘rain’ fell. The inky puddles started shifting and roiling before racing away. Rose recoiled, heart pounding through her chest, “OH MY GOD THEY’RE SPIDERS!”

The Doctor whispered, “Oh yes.”

Rose’s eyes widened in horror. The Doctor’s feral grin was gleeful. The people behind him shifted uncomfortably. The mournful band increased their sadness. Rose turned away from the glass, having seen enough to fuel her nightmares for years. The Doctor didn’t move away from her, so she leaned on him heavily. He sniffed. Rose could still see the window. She shuddered and the Doctor slipped an arm around her waist.

The Innkeeper dropped a shade as spiders raced up the glass. “That’s enough of that,” she announced with a grimace. “Well, everyone, drink up, eat up, and let’s hope you got a haunted room, eh?”

Rose shuddered and wrapped cold fingers around her warm tankard. The Doctor smirked. “How does that happen? How the hell does that even happen?”

“Sky spiders,” he began as if gagging to tell her. “Lightweight spiders, they live in the tops of trees and float around in the clouds. When the air gets heavy and condenses into rain, they get taken along for the ride. Spider rain.”

“Poisonous?” Rose asked.

“No, just horribly unpleasant.” The Doctor scratched at his jawline. “By morning they’ll have all dried off and floated away.”

“Will they come inside?” Rose asked feeling as if they were on her. She swiped at her legs with her tail. The Doctor tightened his grip reassuringly.

“No. but we can’t go outside until they leave. And we were having such a nice time,” he moaned with his big mournful brown eyes.

Rose grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Shut up. We’re still having a nice time.”

“No apple bobbing though,” he grumbled.

“We can do it in the morning. “Sides, now we can have food on plates.”

“Boring!”

“We’ll get all the desserts!” Rose tempted. The corner of his mouth lifted. “Is that a smile?”

“Yeah, alright,” he agreed pulling the menu up so they could choose. 

When he dropped it, Pretty Boy was standing there. The Doctor’s expression went cold and blank. Rose felt a trickle of annoyance flickering into full-fledged irritation. The Doctor’s jaw clenched. “Hi, I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A room with only one bed... oh no.

“Go away,” the Doctor said, impatient and stormy.

“What?” Pretty Boy’s expression grew aggrieved. “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to her,” he said and flicked his eyes to Rose. Rose wanted to slap that look off his face. What was this guy’s issue?

“Sorry,” she replied, brow arched. “I’m here with someone.” Obviously. The Doctor’s eyes flicked to her. She grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Yeah but he’s a Timelord, isn’t he?”

The Doctor’s eyebrows arched a bit in surprise. People didn’t normally recognize him out in the wild. Unless he outed himself with some speech or bit of cleverness. You couldn’t really tell him apart from most humanoids unless you had a stethoscope. Who was this idiot?

“Yeah, what of it?” Rose asked him, not liking the triumphant smile he affected. Did he think she even cared what species the Doctor was? Wasn’t he here with enough women? 

“He’s an extinct species. He should be in a zoo.” Pretty Boy said. “He’s like an interesting evolutionary dead end.”

The Doctor bristled, half rising. Rose swore he was projecting his rage. She felt it pinging against her where she held onto his hand. Rose felt the urge to slap, rising. She tried once more to dissuade this guy from getting smacked with indifference.

“I’m tired of you interrupting us. I don’t want your company. Think you can just walk up to any woman and force your company on them? So not happening. Make your point or get lost. Or don’t make your point and get lost. Just go away or me and him will make you.” She shifted her eyes to the Doctor who smirked at her. He liked to see her go at people. Told her all the time how peace was achieved only through a good Rose Tyler scolding. Annoying. 

“He’s not going to do anything for you, with you, or to you, get it? Shouldn’t even be bothering to call him ‘he’ really, should I? Isn’t that right, sport? It’s people reproduce with looms. They don’t bother with messy matings. Shame since you’re probably what? The last one? Can’t be more than a few. You’d think if he could, he’d be impregnating every female he came across.” Pretty Boy actually preened. He said horrible things like that and preened? Oh hell no.

Rose struck him then with the full force of a Tyler. Pretty Boy’s head rocked back.

In contrast to her violence, the Doctor calmly reached forward. When Pretty Boy lifted his left hand to his injured face, the Doctor grabbed his wrist. A newer model of Jack’s vortex manipulator sat on his arm. Rose had mistaken it for a clunky watch. The Doctor hadn’t. Sonic screwdriver in hand, he hit, ‘Go.’ The jerk vanished. He flopped down next to her with a flourish, “There, that’s better!”

“Where did you send him?”

The Doctor shrugged. Rose raised her brows and he elaborated,“Wherever, whenever he was last hop. He’s stuck there now. Scrambled his circuits a bit. Was that rude?”

“No,” Rose laughed. “He was driving me up a tree. Why can’t some people see what’s right in front of them?”

“I honestly don't know,” he said.  
The music had stopped. Rose glanced up to see the patrons staring. She puffed out her cheeks. “Show’s over. Nothing to see here.” Then she glared at each one until the looked away. The music started back up.

“Want to take our desserts up to the room?” the Doctor asked with false cheer.

“Yeah,” Rose agreed as the plate of desserts arrived. “We’ll return the plate later, alright?” she told the waitress. The woman nodded her eyes darting between them nervously. They had just transmatted another patron out. It was understandable that she would be nervous. Rose felt the eyes of everyone in the room, judging them. Well, they could get stuffed.

The Doctor fell silent beside her. Rose’s ire increased. It wasn’t right for that bloody Time Agent to show up thinking he had a right to her. Tosser. And he insulted her Doctor! Well, not hers exactly… whatever. They were having a nice day! She should have known some disaster would creep up and ruin it. The Doctor never ever talked about his people because of what he’d had to do to them to save the universe. It wasn’t fair. Now that his people had been mentioned, the Doctor was guaranteed to turn sullen. She wished he could bring that jerk back, so Rose could slap him again. 

Rose huffed. Her tail drooped. It was annoying to have a mood tail. Not that the Doctor needed one. The tension in him showed in the jerky way he moved. His hands were shoved into his pockets as he hunched over, scowling at nothing. He didn’t meet her gaze as they climbed three flights of stairs. 

The hallway narrowed until Rose was forced to fall back and watch the Doctor’s back. He was taking them to the attic. The walls were made of stone and several portraits had moving eyes which turned to skulls when you looked at them. Rose felt cheated. Surely the Doctor in a better mood would want to point and tease her about them. Another deep sigh escaped her. The scent of apples lingered from the apple cider. She breathed it in wistfully. 

The Doctor stopped. Rose almost smacked all the snacks into the back of him. 

The door popped open. He stepped inside and to the side so she could see the room. It was round and open, a large bed dominating the center of the room. It was heaped high with blankets. The walls had a creepy red and black cabbage and roses wallpaper. Rose could imagine seeing spooky faces in it. A little thrill rushed through her when she noticed there were no chairs. They’d have to share the bed!

“There are no chairs,” the Doctor groused, “Or a table. Where are we supposed to put our plate?”

Enough moping, time to get the mood back on track. With a howl, Rose ran forward and leaped onto the bed, dropping the plate next to her. It was harder than expected and she didn’t bounce properly. She slapped the bed. “It’s a solid bed. A lot like a table.”  
He smirked. Good. “It’s not a table.”

“It could be a table. Here is a plate. Plates go on tables, hence this is now a table.” Rose grinned.

“Hence?” A brow arched.

“Hence,” she repeated.

“That’s… you’re just taking wild liberties with the definition of a table. Imagine if old Webster was here…” The Doctor replied, shoulders relaxing. 

When his hands came out of his pockets, she knew she had him. “I’d tell him he needed to loosen up and offer him one of our black apples if he changed his definition slightly.”

“Oh, bribery is against the rules, Rose Tyler.” He tutted, drifting closer to the bed. His big beautiful eyes were mournful. There was dim sparkle hiding in there. She could see him warming back up to her. She just had to keep pushing past the uncomfortable moment downstairs.

“You promised me a picnic. I’m having it here and now on this bed with ten thousand blankets. Who needs this many blankets? Never mind. Doesn’t matter. Real question: Where did you stick that picnic basket?” 

Rose made a show of looking him over. The street performer in him couldn’t resist. The Doctor made a show of his empty hands. Like a proper magician, he then flipped the cape over himself. When he whipped it back he was holding the basket again. “Ta da!”

Clapping, Rose kicked off her shoes and flipped the hood down. He pulled a gingham tablecloth out of the basket with a flourish and tossed it over the blankets on the bed. Rose rescued the plate of desserts and popped them back on top. He pulled out a bottle of water, fizzy drinks, a familiar biscuit tin, eand some wrapped sandwiches. She got a tantalizing glimpse of torches, a little cloth packet and a bit of the book cover before the Doctor tossed the basket into the far corner of the room. 

Rose’s tail curled around her crossed legs. The Doctor eyed it for a full minute before he took to petting it. Rose rolled her eyes at him. Anything soft and fuzzy and he had to touch. Who was she kidding? Anything textured he touched walls, fabric, slimy things… jam. Rose was glad she couldn’t feel it. Too much sensory input. 

She hadn’t gotten him out of the woods yet, because he was sipping the water but ignoring the sweets. The Doctor never ignored sweets. He was a 900-year-old toddler about sugar. Rose tapped the hand stroking her tail. “Penny for ‘em?”

“Oh, ah, you know me, big brain, loads of thoughts,” he muttered. 

Rose decided to cut to the chase. Pretty Boy had ruined enough of their fun for today thank you very much! “None of ‘em better be about that waste of cheap cologne you sent home,” she growled, leaning back against the headboard. “Why did he think he could talk to you like that? Why was he so convinced he could pull me?”

“Time Agent, like Jack, remember? He was pumping out serious ‘come hither’ pheromones. Most people would have trouble resisting that. It’s like catnip for most species, especially humans. And you, Rose Tyler, thought it was cheap cologne!” The Doctor smirked. “And-and you told him you were with me. His poor bruised ego.” 

“Am with you! It’s our day out!” Rose exclaimed. “Like you care about his ego! All you care about is apple bobbing and food on sticks.”

“Yeah, and a plate of desserts.” He eyed the plate with interest.

Rose picked up a chocolate ball and broke it in half. She handed him half and his eyes widened. Cheerful now, he took it and popped it in his mouth. “Ooh, that’s awful, that is! Taste it!”

“Augh tastes like fish!” Rose swallowed in protest. “Who puts fish in chocolate? That does my head in…” She grabbed a second ball with white flecks. She bit into it. “Oooh heaven!”

“Give it here,” the Doctor reached out and Rose tried to eat it fast. They struggled playfully until she mushed it against his nose. “Rose!” he protested, licking it off his nose and his indignant expression turned to one of pleasure. “Mmm. Is there another one of those?”

Rose had popped it into her mouth. “Mnnoo.” she said around the bite of chocolate, with a white chocolate filling. He glared at her and reached for a square cake. Rose watched him raise it close to his nose and sniffed it, tongue snaking out for a lick of the yellow frosting. He dropped it back on the plate. “No, definitely not. You eat it.”

“You licked it! No way,” Rose said swiping her finger through the frosting on the slice of tan cake with toffee-colored icing. “S’not toffee.”

“Is it peanut butter?” the Doctor asked, eyeing the cake suspiciously. 

“Taste it. I dare you,” Rose said and picked up the one he licked, licking it to his delight. “Ooh, it’s spicy. Is that red pepper in the chocolate?”

“Is it caramel?” the Doctor asked, eyeing the cake with even more suspicion.

“Just stick your finger in the icing.”

“Is it beef?” the Doctor asked with paranoid suspicion. 

Rose picked the cake up and pushed it at him, hoping to smush it all over his face. At the last minute, he opened his mouth and got a bite. His lovely brown eyes screwed up in horror. He spat it back out onto the plate. “And, we’re done with the desserts,” Rose quipped, disgusted.

“S’beef and pear, Rose,” he moaned, aggrieved. “Did we order a joke plate of desserts? Haunted Glen is known for apple tarts, tortes, and pies! We get fish and beef! Here,” he pulled a banana off the bunch he’d brought with them. “We need to get the bad taste out of our mouths.”

Rose ate the proffered banana. The rain of spiders was pounding on the ceiling along with a strange sound that was probably spider screaming. She so wasn’t going to ask about that never ever. The Doctor ate two bananas, a fizzy drink and unwrapped a sandwich. He split it and offered her half. Rose took it and he gave her another soft smile. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was looking for certain responses from her today. 

“What should we do now?” he asked.

“Not much in here.” 

“Oh Rose, don’t be so 21st Century! I told you! This planet is known for its holographic technology. That means they have the largest collection of movies and TV shows this side of Barnard’s Star! How about it? We can binge something Halloween-ish? In keeping with the theme?” He asked oh, so, hopefully.

“Where is it then?” Rose asked. 

He leaned over to the nightstand and opened the drawer removing a sleek white remote. He held it up for her perusal and clocked the button so the holographic screen formed in front of them, curving with menu options a mile lone. Rose cooed over it. “Mum would go spare. Does it get Eastenders?”

“Yes.” 

“Shame I didn’t bring pajamas.” Rose was having trouble getting comfortable on the bed with her tail. She couldn’t sit on it without jarring her tailbone. “Tail’s a bit uncomfortable for movie watching.” The Doctor slipped off the bed. “Where are you going?”

“To sort you out,” he muttered, reaching into the discarded basket for a cloth package. He tossed it to her and Rose’s eyes glinted when the book fell out. Rose caught the package, eyes still on the book. She couldn’t see it from here but it had a sort of foil cover cheap paperbacks often had. Was it light reading? For when she fell asleep? If so, he’d be done in a second. She tore the package open as the Doctor explained it, “Overnight bag, courtesy of the Tardis.”

Rose pulled out a camisole and a pair of short sleep shorts in black. The camisole had an adorable wolf head on it and the pants had silky orange pumpkins. Laughing, she eyed him up. Imagining him picking out festive sleepwear from somewhere deep in the Tardis had her giggling. She waved the shorts at him. 

“No, no use blaming me. The Tardis packed those!” His cheeks were tinged a bit pink. “I would have given you fleecy things. You’re always cold, Rose.”

“Did she pack a set for you?” Rose asked. If he went into the loo, she could grab the book.

“Nah, I’m all set.” the Doctor said annoyingly. 

“No fair, I am being festive,” Rose protested. “You should do it too.”

“And if you jumped off a bridge, should I?” he asked tone teasing.

“Yes! Doctor if I jumped off a bridge, it would be because you were trying to blow it up. So yes, of course. Jump. I bet if you check your pockets, you have jim-jams in there. The Tardis is always prepared like a girl guide.” Rose’s eyes zeroed in on the book. “Jump,” she sang.

He rolled his eyes and stuffed his hand into the right pocket. Rooting around, he stuck his tongue between his teeth, concentrating. Rose snorted. She imagined all sorts of things floating around in his pockets from yo-yos to rubber duckies and string, old bananas and hats, bits of tech, old chip wrappers like an interdimensional rubbish tip. A puzzled noise escaped him, as he pulled a cloth package very much like Rose’s out. “Where did you come from?”

“Girl Guides,” Rose insisted. 

“She’s not a Girl Guide… oh, it’s pajamas. Soft.” He held up long fleece orange pants with a cute cartoon black cat pattern and a long sleeve black shirt with a pumpkin on it. “Hmm, she’d make a great girl guide... You don’t expect me to-”

Rose nodded.

“Seriously no.” He said, dropping the pajamas onto the bed.

“Seriously, yes.” Rose insisted, picking up the pajamas and draping them over his arm. 

“Rose,” he whinged. “I can sleep in my suit if I need to sleep. This is undignified.”

“You’re doing it.” Rose insisted. 

He was cracking. Rose could see it. His expression had turned from annoyed to interest as he stroked the fabric. Rose resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him because she was winning. Instead, she batted her eyelashes. A strangled noise escaped him. “Alright.”

“Yes!” 

He stood up. “No pictures, though.” He pointed a finger in her direction, wagging it sternly.

Rose crossed her heart with her fingers crossed behind her back. At her smirk, he let out a disgusted sound before disappearing into the toilet. Once the door clicked shut, she dove for the book. ‘An Unusually Hot Autumn’ Rose whispered, snickering at the cover where a half-naked man was holding onto a woman in a period dress, carving a pumpkin. The toilet door burst open and she stuffed the book under her pillow. 

“Well, my dignity is well and truly gone. Last of the Timelords and I have been brought low by my own Tardis, the traitorous ship, her blonde human gal Friday and their love of festive patterns,” he moaned.

Rose snapped a picture with her camera phone. 

“Oh, this is just so-” he looked to the heavens.

Rose took the opportunity to enjoy the lack of layers. The long sleeve tee hugged his thin form nicely. The pants were loose but low on his hips. She twirled her finger. With a long-suffering sigh he did a turn and Rose drooled over his pert bottom. That was nothing new. His suit trousers were very fitted. He flopped down on the edge of the bed. “Happy?”

The Doctor liked the pajamas. The t-shirt fabric felt nice against his skin. The fleece was warm but not too warm and the hungry look Rose had given him before disappearing into the bathroom had done wonders for his mood. The Useful Book didn’t have the couple sharing a room until they were… a bit further along. After the apple bobbing… which had been canceled by an act of rain spider. Rose was coping better than he with their change of plans. Adaptable Rose Tyler, unaffected by the strongest pheromones human males can produce. He was frankly impressed by it. She should have at the very least been intrigued by Pretty Boy like she had been with Jack. 

He wasn’t going to be sad that she was immune to the cheap trick. He was more concerned with the looms being mentioned. Embarrassing that. He raised his eyes heavenward. Being called ‘it’ hadn’t been great. He was pretty manly in this incarnation, very male, manly male. Not an ‘it.’ He flopped back against the headboard and flipped through the thousands of channels until he found Big Wolf on Campus. Clicking on it, he waited for Rose to reappear. Surely it didn’t take that long to change into two scraps of fabric that barely covered her person?

Rose stepped out. His mouth watered. The camisole was fitted. The sleep shorts were incredibly short showing off miles of shapely Rose Tyler leg. She had pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and the expanse of her neck was revealed. Twirling a finger in her direction was a mistake. She obliged spinning to show him how the fabrics hugged every inch of her lovely form and what a pert form! Rose smirked. “Bit short?”

“Nah-nope, no,” he stammered. “Movie?”

Rose hopped up onto the bed, stretching her legs out so he could see her toenails were painted a bright pink. She leaned back against the headboard so their shoulders touched. “Pick something scary.”

“Suspense scary or jump scare scary?” he asked, already queuing up horror movies from the 1980s. Rose shrugged and leaned against him. He chose A Nightmare on Elm Street. Then he spent an hour and a half enjoying Rose’s shampoo as she ducked her head against him and watched from between her fingers.

“I’d be so dead!” Rose exclaimed after Nancy’s triumphant win.

“Yes, you sleep a lot. Can’t have you skipping sleep. Freddy would get you almost immediately. Now on the other hand, as a Timelord, I would just forgo sleep until the monster either forgot about me or starved to death.”

“Starved to death?” Rose asked, loosening her death grip on his arm. 

“Clearly Freddy Krueger is a Fear Eater. They can’t survive without their diet of terrified teens. I’d wait him out. Superior biology wins again! Or, I could learn to lucid dream. Fight him on his own dream plane…” he extolled the virtues of lucid dreaming for a bit until Rose’s eyes threatened to glaze over.

She lifted his arm up and dropped it around herself. She was shivering a bit as night fell outside and the temperature plummeted. He used his long legs to push several blankets down. Then with a bit of toe dexterity, he flipped them up and over her. She grabbed the edges and flipped the blankets so they covered both of them. Rose sighed as their combined body heat banished the cold. She slid down, pulling him along with her. Heads on pillows, they faced each other. The Doctor couldn’t help it when she smiled, he mirrored her. 

“Do you want to watch another movie?” he asked her in a hushed tone.

“Nah,” Rose said and she took a deep breath.  
“Rose Tyler, are you smelling me?” he asked, amused.

“I can’t help it! Did you put a new cologne on? You smell fantastic today. Sort of spicier.”

“I-ah-no, normal things, soap, aftershave, no erm, spices that I’m aware of. Just me.”

Rose shook her head. “No,” she argued and leaned forward, shoving her cold nose up against his throat. He giggled and pulled away. “See, spicier.”

“I can’t smell me,” he argued. He sniffed his skin. Nothing unusual, well, maybe a few more Gallifreyan equivalent of hormones, since he had been courting all day. An interesting thought occurred to him. “You can smell spices? What sort?” 

“Mm, cinnamon? I think, sort of but not really? And something like cardamom...Clove maybe?” Rose scrunched up her face, trying to describe it properly. “Like tea…”

“You always think I smell like tea,” he teased and citrus r sweets or something… Tardis oil.” 

“No, spicier,” she insisted. “Pepper too.”

“You’re describing chai.” 

“Yes! Like those lovely chai tea lattes we got in that tea house, remember? They had those tiny cakes you like.” Rose rolled away, giggling. “You smell like fancy tea!”

Rose could smell him and his cocktail of ‘come hither’ pheromones. Before he could tease out the answers to that mystery, she rolled back asking, “What do I smell like? Wait, do I want to know?”

Grinning, the Doctor leaned in shoved his nose against her throat. She yipped and tried to get away. He held her there so he could get a good inhale. Playfully, she slapped at him, giggling. “There, that was a good sample for scent.”

“You’re nose is freezing!” Rose shrieked in between giggles. “Well?”

Considering the complex scent, he teased out a few of the more pleasant elements. “Sunshine, artificial strawberries, honey, and apples…”

“Yeah my shampoo this week is strawberry,” Rose told him rolling onto her side and supporting her head with her hand. 

“I like it. I liked the frizzing berry one you used last week too. Very berry!” The Doctor mirrored her position. She looked pensive. “Now that we’ve established we both smell acceptably delightful, what do we do?”

“You could tell me something,” she offered, “answer a burning question.”

Uh oh. 

She slipped her hand under the pillow and brought out the Useful Book. “Is this your trashy romance novel?”

Oh no.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, come on, we all know what this chapter is about.

Rose had never seen that particular look of terror on the Doctor’s face. Eyes wide, skin paling and freckles popping, his mouth opened and closed several times and only a small wheezy hiss escaping. She held the book like a stake to a vampire. He sat up, moving away from her. “That’s-that’s…” he managed.

“This,” Rose agreed and shook the book gleefully. “This is a trashy book. You are a Timelord, for shame.”

Another squeak escaped him. “Rose--No, I oh.”

Rose advanced on him. “It was in your picnic basket.”

“I have no idea--I’ve never seen that book before in my lives… erm,” he choked, ears turning a vibrant red. Liar. This was his trashy book and Rose was never ever ever going to let him live it down. “I ah, why would I--900 years never… um.”

“Do you secretly have a library full of Mills & Boon books in the Tardis?”

“No,” he yelled. “No, no, no.”

“Harlequin Romance novels then…”

His eyes boggled. His hands came up to ruffle his hair, a sure sign he was embarrassed. Rose grinned so hard her cheeks hurt. “It’s not what you--”

“You secretly love cheesy romance novels. Admit it, Timelord.” Rose taunted.

He made a grab for the book. Rose was quicker and rolled away from him laughing. The Doctor followed, looming over her to make another grab. She didn’t allow him. She flipped the book open wanting to tease him with a steamy scene and paused. The Doctor whimpered. Rose flipped a few pages. “She was powerless to resist him. She had gone to the autumn festival to distract herself from his dark eyes and darker looks trailing along her body like silk…”

The Doctor groaned. Pulling away from her, he dropped his head onto his arms. “This is it. This is how I die.”

Rose ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it before adding, “There’s a bit about loins in here.”

“Nope, I am not hearing this because I have died of embarrassment. I hope you like the next one better Rose Tyler because I am dead. This is so humiliating.”

“Ah, so he admits the trashy book is his? You admit to having or intending to read this bit about loins?” Rose asked just to get that extra zing in. The moan from the lump the Doctor had melted into was worth it and she snickered. She flipped a few more pages and paused. “Hang on, bits of this are underlined.”

The Doctor stilled.

Rose flipped more pages. Lots of passages were underlined. Not only were passages underlined but they also had little notes in the Doctor’s circles and dots. This wasn’t a book he’d read once. This was a book he had studied. Rose felt weird. “You made notes.”

The Doctor looked up at her.

“Why would you make notes?” Rose asked. “Why would you need to make notes on a book like this?” Rose asked, watching him. He blinked owlishly and didn’t answer her. She poked him. “Oi. What’s going on? Why’s this say ‘no’ and this one says ‘yes.’”

The Doctor shot up. “You read Gallifreyan?”

“S’that your language?” Rose pointed to the notes and repeated the word, ‘Gallifreyan’ to herself multiple times to memorize it. 

“Can you--no, you couldn’t hang on how can you read it?” he asked.

Rose rolled her eyes. “I know I’m a stupid ape but even apes can contrast and compare. You write this,” she pointed to the symbol she thought meant no, “next to things that are broken or zapping you.” She pointed to the other symbol. “This one goes next to power buttons a lot and things you like. You put one on my shampoo bottle once.”

“Well, I,” he tugged at his hair, “tasted it and it was--”

“Oh my God! Stop eating my shampoo you weirdo and explain this!” Rose held up the book. 

“Are you sure we can’t go back to arguing over the perfectly logical reason I had for tasting your shampoo? No?” He gave her puppy dog eyes.

“I can figure it out on my own.” Rose threatened. She furiously flipped a few more pages to see what he’d underlined. 

“Alright.” The Doctor gently took the book out of her hands. He held it like it was reverent, caressing the cover a bit. He didn’t start explaining. He sort of stared off into the distance and took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Where did you get the book?”

“Ooooh no,” the Doctor drawled, “I’m not taking anyone else down with me. This is my… Oh, sod it. I was told it might help.”

“Help?” Rose’s eyebrows were going to disappear into space if they went any higher.

He waved a hand around helplessly between them. “With the,” he covered his mouth for a second thinking it through. Rose was going to kick him in a minute if he didn’t start spilling. “Only it wasn’t right exactly, so I thought I would mix in some of my people’s rituals and it was going well, better than and there was supposed to be apple bobbing.” The Doctor flipped to the apple bobbing in the book. He had several notes on that page in long clockwork scrawls that decorated the margins. 

Rose counted to ten.

The Doctor tried again. “First there’s introductions and the time of getting to know one another. The seeking out of one another’s company. That was the easy part. Then there was casual intimacy… for example and this is just off the top of my head mind, sharing food. Gift exchanges. Acceptance of boundary crossings or erasure. The book had several methods that were similar to, not exactly the same but similar enough to what I expected--mind, it was all so fast, so… Do people normally do everything in a day? It’s a bit rushed, don’t you think? I think I thought it was. I thought we were right on target and I may have been informed that two years is a long period for it. Is it Rose? How long… And then there was Mickey. That was…”

“Have you had a stroke?” Rose asked, concerned.

Offended, the Doctor moved away. Rose grabbed his arm before he could scramble out of the bed. “Let me think,” she instructed while she parsed together all of whatever that was. “Someone gave you the book.”

He nodded.

“To help?”

He nodded again.

“With me?”

A sigh escaped him.

Rose narrowed her eyes at him. He wouldn’t meet her gaze. The Doctor fidgeted. Today had felt like a date. The Doctor had a romance novel. Not only did he have one, someone had given him the novel to help him out. Rose nibbled on her thumbnail. Today was not like a date, it was a date! Rose’s eyebrows flew off her head and floated into space. She felt her heart rate pick up.

“Pretty Boy got a few things right. Good for him,” the Doctor muttered. “Timelords don’t court. They don’t form attachments that way. They are asexual-- were mostly asexual. I have no real, practical experience in courting. I, well, the regular Gallifreyans, the ones who weren’t in the Houses, they did and I cribbed their methods. Wasn’t working with you…” The Doctor glanced up and away again. “The book was Useful. If only we’d gotten to the apple bobbing,” he trailed off mournfully. 

“Courting?” Rose’s head was spinning. The Doctor has spent all day courting. “Wait, what does apple bobbing have to do with anything?”

“The, ah, the well, the dashing hero, that’s me in this scenario. He well, he wins the lovely lady, you in this context, a prize and she um, well there’s…” He flipped the book open and showed her.

Rose read the page and turned bright red. Slapping the book shut. 

They sat on the bed side by side, both embarrassed and unable to meet the other one’s gaze. After a minute, the ridiculousness of the situation caught up to Rose. A giggle bubbled up and out of her, spilling into more and more giggles until she was clutching her stomach and roaring with laughter. “Oh my God!” She smacked at his leg. His puzzled expression set her off again. Rose scooted up and leaned against the headboard. She couldn’t get it under control. The laughter kept coming. “You--thought you had to do all this for me?” She tapped the book.

The Doctor hung his head. Rose felt bad. She wasn’t laughing at him. She was laughing at the pair of them. Rose bit her fist to muffle it. “Sssorry,” she gasped. “I don’t. I’m not laughing at you.”

He scratched at his temple. “Feels like that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“No,” she argued, shaking her head vehemently as another laugh escaped her, sounding a bit hysterical now. “I’m really not.”

He got out of the bed. Rose chased after him on her knees, catching his wrist before he could get away. Laughed out, she slid her hand down his wrist to slip her hand into his. He kept his back to her. “I’m going to go back downstairs.”

“No,” Rose said gently running her thumb over the skin of his wrist. 

“I’ve made a hash of today.” he insisted.

“No,” Rose argued. She tugged until he turned to face her. She stayed on her knees so she was tall enough to look him in the eye. She reached out and caught his other hand sliding her hand into his and squeezing both. “No look, I was laughing because we’re both idiots.”

He was offended.

“I thought all day that it felt like a date but I resisted the idea.” She confessed. “Convinced myself I was being silly, thinking that it might be a date.”

A puzzled frown marred his pretty face. Rose tugged in his hands until he came closer. 

“Why?”

“Well, it’s been two years and you haven’t ever wanted more,” Rose answered honestly. 

“Oh, no that is where you definitely are an idiot. I have always wanted more. I just wasn’t sure if I should get a stick to beat all the pretty boys back.” He growled. “I’m not a violent man…”

Rose scoffed. “Says the man who’s been giving ‘hands off the blonde’ looks to every man since Adam. Only you never put your hands ON the blonde! An’ I got the wrong idea. Now I see that courting for someone who lives centuries might be a bit slower than I’m used to as a human.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “And you… you could have just asked.”

“I was going to!” He insisted.

“When?”

“After the glorious apple bobbing victory, and that’s stupid and I realize now I should have just asked.” The Doctor grinned. “I am an idiot.”

Rose swung their arms between them. “Yup.”

He tilted his head, calculating. His eyes narrowed. “What can I ask for exactly? Because I’m partial to page 187. I made many, many notes on that page.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “I see how my waiting for you to make the first move was my mistake.”

“How do you rectify--”

The Doctor was electrified. He had been trying hard to not bolt since the Useful Book appeared in Rose’s hot little human hands. Now he was never moving again. Rose had slid forward on the bed, her intoxicating blend of human hormones and delightful strawberry shampoo scent overwhelmed him and her lips pressed gently, tentatively like a hot, velvety butterfly against his cooler lips. A few breakers in his mind popped, shutting down most of his higher brain functions as the pressure increased and his hands twitched, squeezing hers in shock. Rose Tyler had kissed him! Was kissing him in fact! A second press and she was retreating. No, no, no, he whimpered and chased her, his eyes opening slightly at the loss. And he pressed his own cooler, possibly too dry lips against hers again and changed the angle slightly to get the maximum pressure. This was better than page 38 by a galactic mile. Kissing Rose was bloody brilliant! 

Hearts racing as Rose let go of his hands to shove her hands into his hair, he felt his respiratory bypass kick in as he forgot to breathe. Her fingers dragging through his hair sent shivers down his spine. This was… this was only the kissing part?! It was electric and warm and a bit wet. Her lips tasted like mint and coconut lip balm. His arms hung loosely at his side and he realized that they didn’t need to be hanging loose. They could be holding onto her. He climbed onto the bed to pull her up against him. Even with clothing between them, her skin felt feverish and lovely in the cold room. He ran a hand down her back to gently touch the sliver of skin between her shirt and shorts. 

Rose gentled the second kiss and released him to breathe. Her skin was flushed and her lips plump. Oh, he wanted to kiss them again. Rose grinned wickedly. “So,” she asked, breathing hard. “Do I need to read page 187 ahead of time?”

Growling, he tossed her back onto the pillows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments! You guys are amazing. One more part after this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath... plus someone insisted a person was coming back so... it's her story.

The Doctor was awake. He had grabbed the very Useful Book off of the floor where it had landed at some point and wiped the cover odd gently before sliding it into his suit jacket pocket. Showered and dressed, he had packed up and slipped the picnic basket into his pocket as well. Sitting next to Rose on the bed, he watched her sleep. Her hair was a riot and she was tangled in several blankets, although her left foot managed to escape the tangle somehow. A soft smile tipped the corners of his mouth up.

Last night had been educational. Human sexual relations were intense. He looped a bit of her hair around his finger, feeling the silky stuff as his whole person was suffused with warmth. Rose puffed out a breath and shifted. Because he was allowed now, he slid a hand down her back and patted her backside.

Rose’s eyes popped open. She spotted him. The sleepy smile she offered him somehow made him feel warmer and yet his hearts constricted. Oh, he was a goner for this pink and yellow girl. Best to keep that under wraps for now. It was considered gauche to tell someone you… well, to make those sentiments too quickly. Still, she knew. “Morning,” she murmured.

“Morning, you’re going to need water and a big breakfast after last night.” He stroked her back again just to watch her lean into it. 

“Is that a brag?” She asked as she managed to leverage herself into a sitting position. “Why are you dressed? Last night wasn’t it? You don’t do it once and then you’re done, or anything, do you?”

He giggled. “No, nothing like that. That’s…”

“Yeah, shut up, I’m going to get dressed. Don’t suppose you sonicked my outfit?”

“Hanging up in the bathroom.” 

“Ta,” she muttered and disappeared.

Rose Tyler was never going to be a morning person, the Doctor mused. Pleased, he went downstairs to order them breakfast and this time he was going to get the desserts right. Downstairs he found the innkeeper behind the counter and he offered him the plate. “Breakfast?”

Rose came out of the shower to an empty room. She would normally have worried if a bloke did that the morning after but if she knew the Doctor, he had spent hours waiting for her to wake up to make sure she saw him even though standing still drove him bonkers. Although she thought it was unfair that he wasn’t the least little bit tired. A small bag sat on the bed. She stuffed her pajamas in it and raced down the steps. Spotting the Doctor was easy, he was the one who’s face lit up when she entered the room. She beamed back unable to help touching her tongue to her teeth. His smile brightened to blinding. He was sitting with a stack of food in front of him. The scent of maple syrup made her stomach rumble and tea! Oh, he had ordered the fancy tea she said he’d smelled like, the weirdo.

“So, we off home?”

“Not until we carve some not pumpkins and…”

“Bob for apples?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed as he stabbed a fork into some extra fluffy looking pancakes. “C’mon, eat up. You’ll need to be overly full and sluggish, so I easily defeat you.”

“No way, I’m eating nothing but healthy snacks today,” Rose said, “so I can easily defeat you. Keep eating like that and I’ll roll you back to the Tardis.”

“Nah, hungry,” he said and licked a bit of syrup off his lips, suggestively. 

She’d created a monster. Rolling her eyes, she noticed the apple pie. “Does this taste like fish?”

“Dunno, tell you what? You take a big bite and let me know?” 

The day was cool and not full of spiders. Rose had worried that a few of them would be lingering. She needn’t have worried. The stalls were all open again and Rose winked at the lady selling the glass pumpkins. She had popped hers back on after her shower. The Doctor held her hand and made a beeline for the games. “You know, we don’t really have to apple bob. We can do that scene later if you like…” Rose offered.

The Doctor blushed. “It’s,” he scratched at his sideburns, “no, I know.”

“Is this a ‘courting thing’?” Rose asked, squeezing his fingers.

“I want to apple bob. Apple bobbing is brilliant.” 

That was the only answer she was going to get. Rose sighed. “Then prepare to die in battle, Timelord.”

He gave her a sly look. “I never lose Rose.”

“You will today,” she teased even though she had already decided to let him win. Not that she would make it easy. What was the fun in that? 

He scoffed, dragging her into a tent where large not pumpkins sat. Rose hadn’t carved a pumpkin in ages. The Doctor made a fuss of picking the best one. Rose eyed her selection. She picked one that felt right in about a minute and waited and waited. Finally, he chose a round one and they placed them on tarp-covered tables. Rose looked at her tools and picked the largest knife. She stabbed the gourd and a rich red juice gushed out. “Ew!” she squealed, laughing.

“You haven’t even picked a pattern!” the Doctor protested.

Rose held up the knife and dramatically stabbed the gourd again. The Doctor murmured philistine under his breath and reached for a book of patterns. Rose cut the top off and grabbed a scoop for the guts. She kept sneaking glances at the Doctor. Somehow she’d thought maybe things would be awkward after last night. He seemed normal, happy like he always was around her. Rose smirked and dumped the guts into a bucket.

“They take the seeds out of the buckets and roast them,” he informed her as he stuck a stencil to the front of his pumpkin. “Are you sure you want to just stab the poor fellow to death?”

“Yeah.” Rose stabbed a triangle eye. “Mum likes the stencils too. Me, I like the triangles and sharp jagged teeth. It’s tradition!”

“It started out carving turnips, so not too traditional,” he remarked as he delicately punched a design into the skin of the not pumpkin.

Laughing, she poked another eye out of her pumpkin. “I don’t remember it being so slippery and sticky. The guts are gross.”

“Mm,” he muttered, tongue poked out in concentration.

Rose stabbed a nose and a shadow fell over them. The acrid scent of cheap cologne assaulted her. She turned knife still in hand to see Pretty Boy. “Oh, you.”

The Doctor turned to see Rose knife in hand facing off against the Time Agent. Rose glanced at him and they both rolled their eyes. The Pretty Boy glared at her. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Me?” Rose asked indignantly. 

“No one can resist me. And you let him screw up my vortex manipulator? What? Why? Lucky I was home before here or I could have been stuck anywhen.”

“Lucky?” the Doctor questioned, brow arched. 

“Why are you back? Can’t you take no for an answer? I could carve it into your shirt.” Rose made a motion with her knife.

“I need to know why I’m not affecting you. Why don’t you want to have sex with me?” he demanded.  
“Well, you smell like cheap cologne,” the Doctor intimated. 

“You do.” Rose agreed. “The kind sweaty teenage boys wear. Also, you’re rude. I’m out here with my boyfriend,” the Doctor stood up straighter, “and you’re insultin’ ‘im and insultin’ me. Calling him it and me easy.”

“At least I’m not sexless,” the Pretty Boy said and his gaze slid to the Doctor.

“Who cares if he is or isn’t, you weirdo? He’s mine.” Rose grabbed the Doctor’s hand and tried not to wince when she encountered a hand slick with pumpkin innards. “Go away.”

The thick cloying scent increased. “Phew, you’re like a skunk. Stop it.”

The Doctor sneezed and asked her, “Do you want me to send him farther away this time?”

Rose considered it. 

“You have to be asexual,” Pretty Boy announced.

“Yeah, that’s me, sure,” Rose told him. Anything to get him to leave. 

The Doctor pulled out his sonic and flipped through a few settings. The Pretty Boy took the hint and disappeared. Rose coughed. “Really awful.”

The Doctor smirked. 

“What?” The spicy scent was lingering around him again and Rose gravitated closer to him.

“He smelled great,” the Doctor remarked. “Like a lovely pheromone soup.”

“Not to me,” Rose curled her lip in disgust and leaned in to clear the scent by smelling the Doctor. His smirk got smirkier. “Spill?”

He shrugged. “You like my ‘come hither’ scent.”

“Oh my God, what?” Rose cracked up. “Shut up and carve.”

The Doctor’s pumpkin was a Tardis, naturally. He was just astonished to find the template for a 60’s Earth Police Box so far from its origin. Rose’s pumpkin was a classic jack o’ lantern grimacing at him with crooked teeth. They left them behind to go apple bobbing. 

Rose kept breathing him in and he was trying hard not to be gleeful. She kept giving him LOOKS and he felt his hearts flutter. He knew he could just ask her for what he wanted with her now but he still wanted to finish the ‘courting’ like his Useful Book suggested. It was so close to a mating ritual he had wanted to participate in when he was young. The apples had been a different fruit entirely and the water had been a river and the stakes had been higher, but Timelords weren’t allowed. His was an arranged marriage for genetic matching and he only met the woman once. 

Rose was nothing if not indulgent. He might even ask her about a telepathic encounter. They’d done it like her people quite magnificently if he judged it by the way she was walking today. He smirked again and she slapped at him. He caught her hand and kissed the knuckles. Her lovely cheeks took on a pink tinge and he let her hand go. 

The whiskey barrels were large enough for him to get in and take a bath. Several varieties of apple bobbed lazily in the water. Rose had her own whiskey barrel. The lovely fellow running the game was dressed as a fox. He and Rose’s ears were up and alert. He leaned back to get a look at Rose’s tail and earned himself a wink from the wolf in question. He had refastened his red cape and tossed it over one shoulder as he gripped the edge of the barrel. The fox shouted go and he dunked his head into the cold water, coming up with a granny smith. He dropped it to the ground and dove in again, icy water shocking him. The second apple took a second, blinded as he was by the water. The third he spit out roughly since it was a gross Red Delicious. He snuck a peek at Rose and she had an apple in her mouth and two at her feet. He had to move faster. The next apple bobbed roughly in the churned up water and he ended up with a node full of water. Sneezing, he dove back in and caught another one. Again and again, until the whistle sounded.

Rose’s hair was soaked. Water was running down her fursuit. Her tail was wagging and he snorted, amused. But his amusement turned to alarm as he noticed the pile of apples by her feet. It was substantial? Had he made it? Had he won? The fox counted them out loud. Rose had nine. He counted his own and breathed a sigh of relief. The fox declared him the winner with ten. He picked Rose up and spun her in a relieved circle.

Giggling and still sneezing out water, she let him pick a small stuffed black cat as her prize. His hearts eased. Not that he wouldn’t have just challenged her to a best out of three. There was no way Rose could hold her breath for that long. She eyed him, a strange glint in her eyes.

“Alright?” he asked.

“Best two out of three,” she tempted.

“Tell you what, I’ll let you win at apple tossing,” he said magnanimously.

“Not on your life,” Rose said. “I’d never let you win.”

He stopped. “Hold on, you didn’t? You wouldn’t? Would you?”

Rose smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I stayed up waaay too late to write the ending. lol. You're all wonderful. Happy Birthday Dayna. Hope you liked it.


End file.
